Oh les endroits que vous vont
I'm just a regular guy trying to find my way through this crazy world and hopefully come out on top some day like we all aspire to do.
I can't be anything you want me to be, cause at the end of the day, I will always be me.
Keep the time, observe the hours of the universe, not of the cars.
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My best friend
It’s funny how fast things change in life. You’re in it one minute then out the next, and people always say you never notice but sometimes you do. All my life I have somehow found a way to screw up the good things I had, and pretty much every time, I never got those good things back. Just vague memories lodged in the back of my head. It seems as of lately though I’ve really been failing not only myself, but everyone around me. It’s like I can’t keep up with it anymore. And now I have lost the ONE thing that always keeps me together and sane; my best friend. She is gone and the biggest fear I have is that I won’t be able to fix it. It pains me so much so think about never holding her again or hearing that sweet voice telling me “I love you” or seeing her face. I don’t know why but today it hit me, the memory of that day down by the river, sitting at that picnic table and carving our initials into the seat. I know it was just a stupid piece of wood in the middle of the forest in Cartersville, but we made our mark on the world somewhere. I loved her than and I still love her now more than ever. Last night was the biggest mistake of my life, and it sucks because once you lose a friend, it is so hard to get them back. Love is so tough to work with and figure out. It’s hard to think that something that brings so much joy can also bring you so much pain. Love is such a raw and wild emotion that I don’t think anyone could ever tame. I wish I could control it a little bit better than I do, but it’s just hard. I wish I could rewind to last night and redo everything. I can’t tell you how many times I have said that in my life but if there was one time I truly wish I could it was then. I don’t have much left going for me but the one thing I do and always will have is passion and a whole lot of love to give her. She is my joy and pride, and I screwed it up just like every other good thing. I really do hope I can patch up the holes in this blanket we call our relationship. I want to renew that spark we had way back last summer. When I look at her I still see that stunningly beautiful girl I snuck out of my house to go to waffle house with, that same one that dedicated every day to coming over to see me because, well, I screwed up and got grounded for a long time. I still see that girl who made my heart skip when we held hands and kissed for the first time. I still feel the same way I did when I asked her to be my girlfriend, and when I told her I loved her for the first time in the basement sitting on the couch. I love my best friend, and I want her to be my friend, lover, the person that holds me together. I want her to be my everything until we grow old and tired, even when it is all said and done, our hands will forever be clasped. Her fingers fit perfectly in between mine and that is where I intend to keep them. It is so hard to put into words how much she means but I would do anything for her. It’s crazy how love will make you do the craziest things for those you care so much about. I always think back to that bob marley quote, the one about how to love a woman. “You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.” I know that I have hurt her, and that is the one thing I should never have done. We all make mistakes and I really did it this time, but I just want her to know that I can admit it. I will never be perfect but I never said I wouldn’t try because I will always try to be her prince charming, and she my beautiful princess, and I will give her the world as long as she lets me and stays there to see it. I’m not sure if this will help, or if she will even see it, but I really hope she does, and that she can find it deep down in her heart to feel that love and know that I am here, always, waiting to hold her again. I love my best friend, and right now I miss her. I will love her always and forever. I really hope that I can have the privilege of seeing her walk across that stage Friday morning getting her diploma. I want her to see me smiling because I am so proud of everything she has accomplished. She is gonna go far in life, and I hope I will be right there by her side to see it. Without her I am nothing. I miss my baby, plain and simple. Love is all it takes, and lord knows we both have plenty to give each other. I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart.
Pour ma chérie
Long before that plane from Germany even landed, I knew without a doubt that I wanted you to be mine. You were the first one in such a long time to make me smile, feel happy, and be me. I was carefree and open. You showed me so much love and affection, and you weren’t scared to get close. As time went by, it just felt more and more natural being with you. Sure we had a fight here and there like any normal couple would, but the good always outweighed the bad. You were just so happy and always smiling and full of joy. You were the sunshine in my life and it was nice to finally feel the warmth of it’s embrace. Here we are now, a year later. Only one month from now you would have just been messaging me on Facebook, right where this journey started not so long ago. It has been such an incredible ride with you, and I can’t wait to see where the next turn will take us. I know that this past month has been so, so tough for you, and I feel bad because I feel like I have fallen short as your boyfriend. I really do care, and I try so hard to show it. I always try to put you first over everything, but it has just been a stressful time for me. I am about to have everything I ever wanted. I am on my own, everyone is moving away, but the truth is I am scared. I am only 19 and I will be completely alone. I’m not ready to do all this by myself, as if college wasn’t hard enough already. It is not that I haven’t cared about your struggles and problems going on, its just I have had my own to deal with to. I think I am passed everything now though, and I am going to change because I want to be that good boyfriend for you. I want to give you what you gave me a little less than a year ago. You gave me hope and put a smile on my face when I wasn’t doing so good. You changed me and made me a better person, so now I want to make you better and make you so so so so so happy. I will give you the world as long as you give me the one thing I need the most from you, and that is love. I am so sorry for everything, but you are my world, and without you I am just another lonely person on this planet who has lost that sparkle in their eye. I need you, and I will always be here for you, just like you will be here for me. Love is hands down the hardest emotion to show, explain, feel, but one thing that I do know is it cannot be broken. We have the one thing that is a constant in this world. I love you baby, always and forever my sweet, ma chérie
